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Today has been the biggest challenge I have had this trip and last year here. I think I have lost several pounds from crying today. So, I have mentioned the guys at the Mexico bar these past few days. Well, Antonio has been heavy on my heart since Tuesday morning when I met him and tried to ask whether I pay or oder first. Whenever I saw him, he was smiling, laughing, or looking for another reason to smile or laugh. He seemed so happy all of the time. Qhen I walked in each day, it was not as if he was always frowning and brightened up at the sight of me, rather he would just smile even wider than he already was and let out a loud, sincere “Ciao!” Anyways, I wrote a card for him, thanking him for his kindness and constant happiness, hoping that he would have the eternal joy of Christ. Although I made that type of lead in to Christ in my note, I was hoping to talk to him personally about it. When we walked in this morning, I said hey, smile at the four guys there, and laughed when they automatically made me a tea! Then, after a minute at the counter, a girl came up next to me and stuck up a conversation in English, which she spoke very well. She spent a couple of years in the states and is a music journalist here in Italia and other parts of Europe. She said that her and her brother manage a big music festival every year in Napoli, and she promised to call me once she learned that I could sing and play the piano! How cool is that!? When she left, I turned, hoping for a chance to talk to Antonio, but the bar became crowded and he was on the phone behind the counter. Since I was done with my tea, it would have been extremely inconsiderate to continue standing at the counter. So, I asked when I could come back and talk to him and planned to return in thirty minutes when it would not be as busy. When I came back later, it was just him and Salvatore there, so I was optimistic and hoping for an opportunity to mention Christ. I told him (which took a good ten minutes to communicate= that I would not be able to come back to the bar for a morning visit when they would be working. I wanted to say good bue personally. He finally understood what I was trying to say, and he smiled and said good bye and good luck. And that was it! No coherent opportunity to share why I am always joyful, no side track that led to the mention of God…nothing! Was there something I missed? Did I not say something or do something that would have brought him closer to the throne? I left the bar and fell down on a bench in the Piazza and simply cried. I knew that I could not breakdown in the middle of the crowded piazza, and I still needed to visit the Dragon Cafe. So, after shedding a few tears, I got up and ignored the looks I got from those around me. As I stepped into the Dragon Cafe to see Alessandra and Enzo, I realized that I can be broken over Antonio, but I must also be a witness to others, meaning I need to demonstrate the joy of Christ outwardly. This was not hard to do since these two at the cafe are amazing and fun. I walked in and they began to talk and laugh and dance. Anna J., Emily, and Anna G. came in a bit later. I gave them the pictures that we took of them yesterday. They loved them and put them on display in the bar! Actually, by the time I got back to the ostello, I checked my email and Alessandra had already tagged me in the two photos I had given her. How did she even get the photos on Facebook!? I do not know, but I love that she did! Anyways, we went to Courtney and Grace’s apartment again during rest period today, and thankfully Grace let me sit in their room, prayed with me, then let me weep for Antonio. It was a good time for me to just weep and pray. I just want so much for someone, whether it is me or someone else, to talk to him about Jesus and unconditional love and obedience. To everyone who reads this, please say a prayer that Antonio will be encompassed by God’s loving arms and realize this. I will be in touch through letters and email, so also pray that I can continue to show him Christ’s love.
amen.
